Dona Nobis Pacem

I thought to myself today during a class, "What if I was to start blogging again? Or even just to write a blog again." Well, here I am. I dont even know what to say. Blogging always makes me speak in a way that is so insincere to my actual voice. So its seems a bit futile. But maybe here is a good effort.

In the church year we are in the middle of Lent. I suppose we're actually only a week and a half in, but none the less, here we are. I am no church scholar, despite the current A I've earned in my New Testament class, so I don't know a lot about Lent, or Lenten theology. I do know that it is a somber time, a time of fasting before the Easter Feast. And this year, for me at least, it feels like a season of true lament.

A good friend of mine's father passed last Monday of ALS. My sister lost a dear friend this week to the same disease.

And while Seattle is gorgeous, and has a lot of wonderful attributes, it is still not my home.

I remember thinking to myself sometime in October, when everything was still new, maybe in March I wont feel this way any more. . . but March has arrived, and I do feel a little bit better than I did then, but I'm still hurting. I went to a concert on Saturday, a good friend of mine was playing in town. About 5 seconds into her first song the tears just uncontrollably started rolling out of my eyes. Classic. She sang, "we will feast in the house of Zion, we will sing with our hearts restored, "He has done great things" we will say together, we will sing and weep no more"- and there I am weeping. Makes so much sense, I know.

One of my dearest friends here in town sent me this text tonight, "ps. did you know there was a noun “jeremiad”? it means, appropriately, a long mournful complaint or lamentation. which I think is just neat"

Welp. There it is. I'm smack in the middle of a really great jeremiad. I couldn't even tell you how to say that word out loud soooo...

Can I fast from sadness and crying for lent? How about it, world?

Pope Francis and Christopher Hale ( a reporter from Time Magazine who wrote about what the Pope had to say about lent this year) remind me what lent could mean for me.

"But when we fast from this indifference, we can began to feast on love. In fact, Lent is the perfect time to learn how to love again. Jesus—the great protagonist of this holy season—certainly showed us the way. In him, God descends all the way down to bring everyone up. In his life and his ministry, no one is excluded
“What are you giving up for Lent?” It’s a question a lot of people will get these next few days. If you want to change your body, perhaps alcohol and candy is the way to go. But if you want to change your heart, a harder fast is needed. This narrow road is gritty, but it isn’t sterile. It will make room in ourselves to experience a love that can make us whole and set us free.
Now that’s something worth fasting for." 
( http://time.com/3714056/pope-francis-lent-2015-fasting/ )

As I'm homesick, and hurting, and wandering, I'm reminded of the words, "Dona, Nobis, Pacem" translates to, "Grant us peace". And I'm thinking to myself about what its like to sing these words over and over again with my mother and sister. That feels a lot more like home than where I'm sitting right now, casually staring at my psych text book but actually watching Downton Abbey. But, maybe its a great reminder of the prayer we can keep saying. Or can keep trying to say.
The prayer I can keep saying. And as my brother in law,  Eric Bryan, reminded me this week, "Take courage, Christ is on the move."